Week's 3 & 4 Blog Post...

One . . .
By Sharon Hwang Colligan
1. ONE
Well
the straights talk of
heterosexual thrusting as if it were
the only real
form of
sexual fulfillment and
the straights tense if I touch them
and
the gays make jokes about “breeders”
and
fall silent if I mention my (male)
lover
I look for books on bisexuality but
They are all about married men or
Have titles like “two lives to lead” –
Well I am NOT a man and will
never
Lead two lives I am one woman
ONE ONE ONE
I thought Gay Rights meant being
able
to love who I love
2. YOU SEE
I am white Chinese
I am bisexual Lesbian
3. MY FATHER
is Polish and Irish and German
long blended in America
My mother is the child of
two brave Chinese who
survived
in an alien and hating land
to raise bright an dbeautiful
middle-class
daughters
who no longer speak Chinese
who work to succeed
to pass
White racism against my yellow
family and self is a crime the
criminals
are of my own white
family, my own pale skin color
4. WE LOVED
Though she and I separated I
vowed never to forget nor
deny the fires she ignited in my body
& soul
I chose at 17 to
claim
the word  Dyke to commit my fate
to that of the lesbians
when the witch hunters came they
would have to
come for me too
even if by that time I had married
him
none of the coming-out stories
or other writings I devoured
Seventeen alone and bisexual
never once
validated my reality never once
offered a story
of a relationship
neither abusive nor boring
with a male lover
My new &fragile lesbian

**My response to this poem is that she conveys a lot of sadness and despair and that she feels very misunderstood. She is confused about where she belongs being a Chinese-American lesbian and feminist. I think she feels that this is a category that others cannot relate too and she is very lonely. I think she is almost embarrassed of who she is and feels she has let down her family, but longs to be accepted by someone, by society. My personal feeling is that I don't understand this way of life or being either because it's very foreign to me. I try to be accepting and understanding of others that are different or think differently than myself, but this is a category I'm just beginning to study and try to understand better. I think that each of us at some point in our lives can relate to these feelings and insecurities and the feeling that we don't belong anywhere.
Even as a white, middle-class, LDS, girl growing up I had a lot of insecurities and there were many times I felt worthless and alone and like I didn't belong. I was extremely shy and it has taken me years to accept myself and feel worthwhile and important, it's a work in progress. My wish for our world would be that we could be more tolerant and understanding of others and even if we can't understand them or relate to them, that we can at least treat them as fellow human beings on this journey of life. Trying to find some common ground with each person we come in contact with.